I’ll admit it; I had high hopes for the state. It’s not quite Kansas and I’ve heard no stories of crazy man-eating dogs. I have to say it though – Missouri, you’re hard from perfect. In fact, Missouri, you suck.
I’ve never been so awe-stuck, dumbfounded, and confused at one time...let alone three whole days. What’s got me so puzzled? The Ozarks.
What they should do is rename the mountain rage “The Unnecessary and Nauseating Series of Sharp Climbs and Ridiculous Descents.” I’m not sure if that would quite do them justice though. In fact, that probably wouldn’t do any justice.
I wish I could show you pictures. I wish I got the whole thing on video. Unfortunately I was too busy sweating bullets in the crazy heat and humidity, climbing mountains so steep that they defy traffic laws, and struggling to pedal on to my last hope - Kansas.
Colorado, you’ve got nothing on the Ozarks. They’re like a rollercoaster where all the fun has been painstakingly removed and replaced with misery and suffering. Over three days of riding, I climbed more mountains than I knew existed. There were long, grueling climbs. There were short, steep climbs. There were ups and downs that came so quick, I could barely keep up. It was terrible.
Fortunately, the Ozarks are behind me, like a horrible nightmare that I hope I never experience again. Missouri, you are my sworn enemy.
Doesn't even begin to represent it:
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Day 33, part II:
Life lesson: Never take three bikers to Wal-Mart. I left with more food than I knew what to do with. I still have some of it. Between me and the two other people, we packed the entire trailer full of food...guess who had to pull it all home?
I still felt lousy at the end of the day, but it was nice to relax with some good company.
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Day 34:
On the road again, and I had company (actually, lots of it)! I left Al’s Place with Greg and Chris, two guys from Britain. We biked about 15 miles and ran into the two girls from way back when, and they biked with us too. Here’s a picture of all of us...also, it’s rather difficult (and dangerous) to take a picture while operating a bicycle...
So we heard stories of the Ozarks, but the first 25 miles or so were deceivingly flat. But don’t worry, we found them. Now began the death march through Missouri...no end in sight. Not to mention it was hot and humid, with barely and relief from the shade.
We finally found some relief in Eminence, MO where we stayed the night. Unfortunately a dirt-cheap campground only goes so far...tons of noise, tons of trash, and a lousy night’s sleep. In the morning I ditched the Brits since they were going shorter and sleeping in.
I should also mention that in the midst of this tragic hill climbing, my bike is holding up strong. Out of five people there were two flats today, and neither of them were mine! Now how about that for good news...
Miles Covered: 90
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Day 35:
Back to the grind...in the most literal sense you could possibly imagine. Right out of the gate I was facing 15 miles of steep climbing, which proceeded to turn into an unforgiving rollercoaster of leg-demolishing steepness. An experience I’m struggling to forget.
Two awesome things did cross my path today though. The first – Ally Mill. Part of the Ozark Scenic Riverways, it was a pretty cool attraction:
The second – a huge fire tower at the peak of the Ozarks. I conveniently ran into Nina again (who is much crazier than I am) just as we approached the tower. She convinced me to go up with her – and it was a experience that I won’t forget. The view were absolutely amazing, check it out:
I called it a night when I hobbled into Hartville, MO. Starving, thirsty, and more tired than I can express, I muscled up the energy to cook up a pretty delectable dinner. Pasta, potatoes, meatballs, and veggies. Did I mention that I got my appetite back?
I made camp on the local courthouse lawn, and laid down for yet another unfortunately miserable night. Not only did traffic keep disturbing me, but it was so hot and humid that I was sweating just laying down. Not the sort of rest I was looking for.
Miles covered: 80
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Day 36:
Are we there yet? NOPE
The Ozarks play games with you...horrible, deceitful games. Just when you think they’re done and gone, they come back in full force.
I started the morning off with some slight technical issues - my phone stopped working. Lucky for me there was a Verizon store 30 miles away...literally right on the route. I’m not sure there could be a stranger coincidence, but luckly nonetheless.
So I have succumbed. Yes, I am now the owner of a smart phone. I don’t like it, but I guess now I don’t have to keep wasting time at these libraries. I now have more technology strapped to this bike than I know what to do with.
Anyway...back to the mountains. Let me paint the scene - Just when I thought they were over, I got hit with 15 miles of the STEEPEST most REPEDITIVE climbs that even the most insane amusement park couldn't dream up. Just take my word for it. I finally found relief from the hills and the heat at a gas station, and had this inspiring conversation:
Me: “Please tell me the ride out to Ash Grove is flatter than the ride from Fair Grove”
Gas Station Guy: “Haha...worse!”
Me: “Worse!?!”
Gas Station Guy: “Yup, just a ton of ups and downs” (with hand expressions to boot)
I almost set up camp right there on his floor…
Anyway, the ride wasn’t THAT bad. I mean it was bad...but not as bad as I thought. I finally made it into town, and started work on dinner. Pasta, potatoes, and veggies. I’m getting pretty good at cooking huge, tasty (in relative terms) meals with incredibly limited cookware. Plus I start up a fire in a grill...I’m so sustainable; Ithaca College should give me a medal.
Finally, an alright night’s sleep. Set up camp in the city park under a pavilion, and I think the temperature even cooled down a bit.
Just a sample:
Miles Covered: 75
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Day 37:
Kansas, you’re my new best friend. The Ozarks were at it again for about 35 miles, but there’s no way they can find me here. I’m in corn country now, and I’ve never been so happy. I’m pretty sure the temperature rose about 10 degrees when I crossed the border, but I can deal with that for now.
For lunch I treated myself to a delicious meal at Cooky’s in Golden City, MO. Apparantly its famous, and for good reason. Huge servings, great service, and delicious pie. Dutch Blueberry Pie to be exact...hands down the best pie I’ve ever had.
Now I’m in Pittsburg, Kansas and it appears that a storm is moving in. I’ve heard there’s 75mph winds when that happens...should be fun to camp in.
Pray for a tailwind!
Miles Covered: 70
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